Episode 02 - Toxic leadership explained: What makes a bad boss with Mita Mallick
This week on The Lift, Ben is joined by Mita Mallick, leadership strategist and the author of The Devil Emails at Midnight: What Good Leaders Can Learn From Bad Bosses (and also a self-proclaimed former bad boss).
Key takeaways:
Bad bosses are created, not born: Toxic leadership behaviors often emerge under stress, pressure, and unexamined power rather than from personality alone
Managers have an outsized impact on employee mental health, influencing wellbeing more than doctors or therapists and nearly as much as a spouse or partner
Poor management training fuels toxic leadership: many first-time managers are promoted for performance, not people-leadership skills, leading to micromanagement and fear-based control
Developing confidence and identity outside of work helps protect employees dealing with a toxic boss, by reducing burnout and restoring agency when leaving isn’t immediately possible
Self-awareness and vulnerability are critical leadership skills
Feedback, reflection, and accountability are essential to becoming a better boss
According to this week’s guest, Mita Mallick, bad bosses aren’t born, they’re made. Mita brings a rare combination to the conversation: she’s lived the worst of it. She’s studied the patterns, and she’s also willing to say out loud what most leaders won’t – that she, herself, has been a bad boss
One of the most haunting examples from her career is about a boss she nicknamed “Medusa,” known for screaming, public humiliation, and unpredictable tantrums. Her point in sharing isn’t shock value; it’s the reality that this behavior often gets normalized as “just how they are,” especially when fear-driven leadership produces short-term results.
But Mita makes the business case that too many companies avoid: when a boss behaves badly, teams lose clarity and momentum. People stop taking smart risks, communication gets distorted, and, eventually, performance suffers. Toxic leadership doesn’t just hurt feelings; it breaks productivity and execution.
One of the most jaw-dropping moments in the conversation is the mental-health data Mita references. Research from UKG’s Workforce Institute showed that managers impact employees’ mental health (69%) more than doctors (51%) or therapists (41%), and about the same as a spouse/partner (69%).
That statistic reframes “bad boss behavior” as more than an HR issue. It’s a leadership and wellbeing issue with real consequences, and it explains why so many people DM Mita long, painful stories asking how to survive a toxic manager.
Then layer on a structural problem: Many organizations promote high performers into management without teaching them how to lead. “Congratulations, here’s a title and a team of 10. Now figure it out.” That “doing → directing” transition is where micromanagement, perfectionism, and fear-based leadership often begin.
Ben asks the question everyone wonders: If bad bosses are the worst kept secret in a company, why are they still there?
Mita is blunt: It’s often not HR’s call. HR may document patterns and advise accountability, but the decision to protect a high-performing toxic leader frequently sits with the CEO or business leadership, who can justify it with numbers, relationships, history, or convenience. The message to the organization becomes results at any cost, favoritism wins, and (thus) the culture is negotiable.
But in today’s workplace, where employees can post, rate, leak, and speak, senior bad-boss behavior is increasingly public and reputationally expensive.
This episode isn’t just for people enduring a nightmare manager; it’s also a mirror for leaders. Mita offers a practical self-check:
Trust your internal moment of knowing. If you ended a Zoom and felt that post-meeting wince because you snapped at, dismissed or got sharp with someone, sit in the silence and name it. Repair starts with admitting it.
Look for the signals you’re ignoring. People go quiet around you. You’re the last to know what’s happening. Exit interviews (when done well) leave breadcrumbs.
Ask for feedback with structure, not vagueness. Instead of “What should I work on?” (which can feel unsafe in a power dynamic), try: “Here’s what I’m working on, can you tell me what you’ve noticed?”
When it comes to escaping a bad boss, Mita knows not everyone has the privilege to resign on the spot. So she recommends a survival strategy that protects your future:
Keep your resume ready (always).
Start networking before you’re desperate.
Identify internal transfer options when possible.
Decide your expiration date (“I can do this for another 6 to 12 months.”)
Rebuild confidence outside of work – volunteer, coach, return to a hobby, create something. Toxic bosses shrink your sense of self; your life outside work needs to expand it again.
Poignantly, Mita shares how grief after losing her father intensified her “bad boss” tendencies and how vulnerability (not oversharing) can create context that reduces misinterpretation and increases humanity. The goal is not to excuse damage, it’s to stop repeating it.
If you’ve ever wondered how bad bosses get made – or worried you might be on the path to becoming one – this conversation gives you language, tools and a framework to lead with more clarity, courage and care.
